We Are Having Quarter-Life Crisis and This is How We Should Handle It
Last week, I met a few of my high school classmates who are currently working and living in Jakarta and Cilegon. There were only 4 of us since most of our friends work or live in Surabaya. I don’t have any specific close friends during high school, but I had the same classmates for three years which made them the people I am always comfortable with.
We talked about a lot of things. Besides talking about how our friends are doing, marriage, business, etc., I would say that the highlight of our conversation is how we actually are going through the same phase: quarter-life crisis; which is no surprise and totally normal for people who just graduated, probably starting our very first full-time job, wondering if it’s the right job for us, but at the same time being clueless with what we actually want to do in our life.
Quarter-life crisis is a period of intense soul-searching and stress occuring in your mid 20s to early 30s. The typical sufferer is “highly driven and smart, but struggling because they feel they’re not achieving their potential or feeling they’re falling behind,” says Nathan Gehlert, Ph.D., a Washington D.C. psychologist.
— The Muse
Since I graduated last July, I have been busy figuring out what I want to do, questioning my dreams, and even doubting myself. It seems like all of my dreams or plan that I created during college dissolve into thin air and I’m not so sure if that’s what I want to pursue or if they are even exist anymore. This quarter-life crisis just left me feeling unsure of everything.
However, I have learned that actually there are ways to help us to get through this phase of life and these are some key points that I am striving to do now:
Be grateful
After getting the job that we wanted to, we often try to evaluate our decision and doubt our job; whereas at the same time a lot of people might be dying to be where we are now. Does the job suit me? Is what I’m doing good enough? Should I be able to achieve something more? Is it what I really wanted? I think it is not what I expected. And so on.
We let these thoughts lingering in our mind too many times that we forget to be grateful for what we have now. Instead of focusing on doing the best that we can do with our current work, we may end up feeling frustrated and it is definitely not good.
Gratitude helps us to realize that everything is fine just the way it is, helping us to stop fighting, striving, and chasing happiness — which only makes us more deeply unhappy.
Even if you are currently still unemployed, not graduated yet, or struggling with other aspects in life, that is okay. Being grateful is a powerful way to help us get through our struggles and make us more content.
Listen to ourselves
When we get confused or need some advice, we may turn to someone closest to us; our parents, our siblings, friends, boyfriend or girlfriend, or anyone that we think may give us the best advice.
However, I learned along the way that sometimes we listen too much to other people’s opinion, we forget to listen to the most important voice: ourselves. No matter how hard we try to seek advice or how many articles or books we read to find answers, the only person who knows what we want and what’s best for us is only us.
Until we acknowledge what we really want by listening to our hearts, we may always find ourselves in doubt and feeling insecure.
If we are wondering where we should be heading or which decision to make, listen to and follow our heart might be the best choice that we should do right now.
Focus on what we want
I know to listen to and follow our heart is not as easy as it sounds but in order to be happy we need to find something that matters to us and start doing it wholeheartedly. You can check this wonderful TED Talk by Scott Dinsmore to get some insights.
In the midst of the digital era where information is just a click away, it might be too overwhelming for some of us because what we see on social media somehow influences the way we think. Nowadays, everyone can’t seem to live without social media, not realizing it may have affected us in some way, including our mood and anxiety.
My friends and I agree that social media somehow made us more anxious than we need to be. Seeing our friend posts her/his exciting life on Instagram or another friend updates his/her new job on LinkedIn which is a lot cooler than ours, we can’t help feeling a bit frustrated that our life is not as fun as what others portray on social media. We got distracted by other people’s achievement we forget to focus on what we want to do; on our purpose, dream, ambition, you name it.
One friend said that after getting her dream job and work for a few months, she started to wonder if being a journalist is truly what she wanted. What if it is not her passion after all? What if it turns out that she is actually not that good at writing she shouldn’t have dreamed about being one at all?
Well, actually her thoughts are ridiculous because I know she is the best when it comes to writing. But it cannot be denied that these similar thoughts often come when we are entering this quarter-life crisis. I also feel the same way as she does lately. However, sometimes we are fooled by our own mind and these thoughts should not stop us from doing what we want to.
Forget about what our parents told us to do, forget about what society wants us to do, forget about the standards and expectations set by others; it is time to focus on things that matter to us.
Another insight, if you feel like you have many interests and not sure which one you want to focus on, there is nothing wrong with focusing on all things that you are curious about, as Emilie Wapnick said that some of us maybe don’t have one true calling.
Don’t be too hard on ourselves
At this period, it is so easy for us to feel like we are being left behind. This friend already had a steady job and financially independent, that friend is already pursuing a master degree, another friend is getting married, etc. etc.
I can’t help feeling like I was in a rush to have everything figure out while in fact, I am just graduated less than a year ago, I am 22 going on 23, and I actually can use all the time that I need to figure my life out, I can do everything I want and there is no need to feel pressured. I mean, life’s just getting started, right?
Now’s the time to be massively risk-oriented and try everything you want to try. There’s no “wrong” move you can make.
Time is ticking, yes, but all we have to do is enjoy the process, take all the time we need to draw life the way that we want to, and believe that everything will happen at the right time.
